Every few years, my family – me, Denna, my two daughters and my Mom – take a special vacation. A couple of weeks ago, we flew to Bermuda for 5 days. The trip was great and Bermuda is beautiful, but flying sucks. I’m thinking now that we shouldn’t have given the auto execs such a hard time about taking private jets to D.C. for the congressional hearings. If I were rich, I’d have a private jet too. The hassles of flying are so much worse today than they were just a few years ago. I know – 9/11 changed everything. But flying is such a hassle, it can start your trip off on a sour note and end it on one too.
Nowdays, you have to get to the airport at least 1 1/2 hours early because you never know how long you’ll have to wait in line for ticketing (no curbside check-in for international flights) and then you leave that line and head for the TSA screening line. Will you be 12th in that line or number 106? You never know. Going through there is always a treat. About half the time, there is a delay because someones’ 90 year old grandmother has an artificial hip that is setting off the machine, or your computer refuses to start up causing you to be identified as a security risk who must be hand-screened with the wand while everyone else in line wonders what your ties to the Taliban are.
Once you are re-dressed, it could have taken 5 minutes or 20, you never know. Then you hustle to your gate as you try to get your laptop back in the bag and not trip on your shoelaces. You arrive at your gate on time and out of breath only to find out that the flight is delayed. Once you finally get squeeezed into your tiny little seat, you can breathe a sigh of relief. Would you like a blanket? ($7) How about a nice snack box?($8) A bag of peanuts with your jigger of apple juice? Not gonna happen. To make matters worse, once you arrive in paradise, you go to baggage claim, retreive your beat-up bags, dig out your passports again and head for customs. Once again, you stand in line for the nice person to welcome you to their country and then ask to search your bag. Find a taxi driver who, hopefully, knows the direct route to your hotel.
The stay in Bermuda was wonderful. It is a clean, picturesque and delightful place to spend a few days. The only problem is that you have to once again head to the airport at the end, and wade through the hassles all over again. I am so glad I don’t have to fly a lot for my business. I would have to save up for a private plane. Maybe one of those ultralight things with paper wings and motor off of some kids go cart. It might not be comfortable, but at least you could take a bottle of water with you without being arrested.